My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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