laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
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No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
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His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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