why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
