I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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