first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
