i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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