just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
