So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
