Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
