I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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