We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
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hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
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but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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