If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
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