I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
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