I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize