Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
