I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Randomize
