You don't have asthma, your pregnant
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
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