The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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