I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
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