My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
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If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
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And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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