tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
