Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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