Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize