You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
