It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
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