Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
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