playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
