Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
