His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
