she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
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