Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
