Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
