i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I still have a little drunk in my system
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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