i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
