i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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