im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
