All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
