Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
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