so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
