Already got asked if we're dating
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
