people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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