Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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