i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
