Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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