while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
