You're completely useless in the revolution.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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