why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
