i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
