I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
