im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
i just google imaged poop.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
