Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
