yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize