margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
