I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
