Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I am spending my child support on dildos
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
