I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
i drank out of a bidet.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
