just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
