He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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