I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
