I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Did I show you my penis last night?
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It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
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The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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