How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
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