so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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