i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I just want to make out with him forever
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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