No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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