Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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