How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
