we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
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