i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
