He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
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