Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
