I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I just had sex on a roof
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
