Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
